Scattered Seed

Today we went out and worked out the stops on George’s bus route.   School starts Wednesday,  and all along the way,  there was the sense of summer ending – the angle of the sun in the sky,  the trees that have started to color,   the slight chill in the air.  As I looked down the list of names,  I imagined that the students are as sad as I am.  Once the school buses take to the road,  the pace of life changes,  and summer is over.

Today was also the day to say goodbye to Rebecca and Melissa.    Rebecca arrived at my bedside two and half weeks ago,  minutes before they wheeled me to surgery.    Her presence was such a comfort to both George and me.     We appreciated all the things she did to help out,  and all the time she gave us,  to make sure all was okay.   I know George appreciated having her there as he waited through my surgery and to help here at home,  and I appreciated knowing that she was nearby whenever I needed anything,  or just needed someone to talk to.    Melissa flew in this past week,  and we enjoyed our visits with her – a night out for pizza,  our trip to Auburn yesterday, and tonight the four of us gathered for one last dinner together.

George barbecued chicken and cooked corn on the cob.    I made blueberry muffins and a pasta salad.   We made them a little care package of leftovers to take with them,  as they head back to North Carolina in the morning.    Another sad goodbye,  but I will carry nice memories of our time spent together.

The animals among us,  though,  are quite relieved that Ellie,  the spirited dog,  has moved on.

I make a list each morning, of what I want to accomplish for the day.   I’ve always done this.   I put about ten things on my list today,  several of them were very sedentary projects.   I did manage a few more entries on eBird,   I got a payment ready to send out,   I made my required weekly call into work,   and sent an email to my sister,  Sandi.     On the slightly more ambitious side,   I filled the bird feeders,  set the clean bathmats back into place,  and washed the few morning dishes.   After those low-energy projects,  I found myself exhausted,  and ready to sink back onto the couch.    Yesterday’s outing was so nice,  and I needed to get out,  but I guess it might have been too much too soon,  and so I’ll take it easy the rest of this day.

I feel like I have a very short time to get back to the energy level I was at before surgery.   My job keeps me on my feet eight hours a day,  with a lot of lifting and lugging.    I’m nowhere near ready for that,  and only four short weeks left to get there.

I love these last days of summer,  when I dare not take any nice day for granted.    We headed out at noon,  very eager to get out and see the countryside.   I have been cooped up in the house the last three days,  so it was time to get out for sunshine and fresh air.

Our drive took us down to the rolling hills of Pennsylvania for a stop at a flea market,  then lunch,  and a visit to an antique shop we had visited a couple of years ago.    We bought only a piece of orange fabric that I will use to make dinner napkins.  The two things that really caught my eye were a handmade dollhouse,  and a child’s dinnerplate,  and since neither was practical for this stage in my life,   I passed them by.

Back home,   I am watchful of the birds again.   Now that I am up off the couch more often,   I am enjoying each new sighting that comes this way.     Blue jays are rare in our yard,  but one called quite loudly to let me know he was here.

Three youngsters stopped by – a cardinal and two mockingbirds.

And I caught a male cardinal coming in for a landing.

From our end-of-summer garden,  we have finally picked our first tomato,  some swiss chard,  and green peppers.    I used all three to make a salad for tonight’s dinner.

Unfortunately,  these days will soon become few and far between,  so I’m glad I’m well enough to enjoy them right now.

Maybe you have to be as old as I am to remember that song. The words have certainly seemed relevant to me lately. I find that I have to take things slowly, pace myself, in order to get through the day. As a reward, though, I am able to appreciate things more fully, enjoy each moment, see things which I used to be too busy to notice.    Feelin’ Groovy…..I’m not quite there yet though.

I’m enjoying the windchimes that Dad and Evelyn gave me for my birthday

New bird visitors in the willows

My birthday rosebush,  from five birthdays ago

and the sunset on our anniversary evening drive…..

Friday we went for a drive down towards Wellsboro, PA. It was a hot summer day, and all I had to do was sit in the car, and take it easy, and do some birding. As we drove along we saw kestrals, mourning doves, crows, goldfinches, cardinals, and mockingbirds. Near Lawrenceville, we checked out the osprey nest which is visible from the road heading south. It appeared that it had done some serious landscaping up there.

We arrived at Ives Run about noon, which is not the best time to do any birding, but I was thankful for the outing, so we drove around to see what was about. We saw Canada geese, a blue heron, an Eastern bluebird, some chipping sparrows, a brown thrasher, a mourning dove, and a ring-billed gull. Leaving the area, just a little bit south on the highway, George pulled off to check out another osprey in the distance.

We had lunch in Wellsboro, which meant getting out of the car, and back in, very carefully……then headed home on the back roads.

We got lost a couple of times, and even the road atlas wasn’t helpful. Our wanderings took us by a marshy area, though, and there we spotted several kingbirds,  a cedar waxwing,  and a kingfisher that got away before we could get a picture.

On my birthday, in 1972, George gave me the engagement ring of this set. The rings belonged to his maternal grandmother, and were given in 1918. I felt very honored, as these rings represented a connection to the past as we were about to set out on a future together. They slipped off my finger once, and I found them in a patch of dirt where I had been creating a garden. Since that time, they have come to fit snugly, and there is no fear of losing them.

Thirty six-years ago today, George slipped the wedding ring on my finger. We married at my home, in front of the fireplace, and had our wedding picture taken in front of the stain-glassed window in the stairwell. I made my wedding dress, the cake was made by a family friend, my bouquet was yellow roses. It was a late summer afternoon, the sun was shining up until we left for our honeymoon, and then a heavy rain fell. We spent a couple of nights camping at a nearby state park, with a trip to Howe Caverns, then flew off to Oklahoma City where George was to begin working a few days later.

Our marriage has been something of a roller-coaster ride – extreme ups and extreme downs, with lots of twists and turns in between. We lived in Oklahoma City for three years, then returned to New York State in the summer of 1975. Together we have created our own past.

I married my high-school sweetheart. He has been my love throughout, and became my very best friend along the way. This week he has stood by my side, cared for me, and cared about me. I would have wished for no other path or partner for my life, and I look forward to our future years together.

It was a beautiful, warm summer day, with hardly a cloud in the sky. I spent time on the back deck, watching birds with Rebecca while she worked. I have enjoyed having her here, sharing thoughts and ideas, reconnecting after several years away from home.

I am finding myself stronger each day, and able to do one more thing, as long as it’s not too strenuous. Today my accomplishment was to cut up eight cups of rhubarb for freezing. I sat at the picnic table with Rebecca, chopping away. George took some stalks before I assigned them to a freezer bag, and made a rhubarb pie.

This evening I asked for a drive in the country, and up to Harris Hill. Summer will be too soon over, and I enjoy looking down on the Chemung River from up above, watching the sun set, and the birds flit about. Rebecca went out for the evening too, to visit friends. We’ve all felt cooped up this past week, and I’m ready to spread my wings a little and get back out into the world, though slowly and safely. Summer is too short to spend it confined.

The calendar says that today I am 55. I would say that calendar is wrong, that I could not possibly be.

I do feel a bit kicked around by my recent surgery, and if I stand and stare at the mirror, I would have to notice the wrinkles and greying hair.

I feel much wiser than I was twenty years ago, much more patient, kind, appreciative, accepting, and willing to be accepted for the imperfect person that I am.

So…..I guess it might have taken me that long to get that way……

I spent my day reading birthday wishes in cards and emails, and receiving birthday wishes by phone

Eating the birthday cookies my dad brought down to me yesterday.

Enjoying the company of my husband

And Rebecca’s dog, Ellie

Unwrapping a big bear hug from Morgan

Watching the squirrels and birds in the backyard

And having pizza, wings, and good conversation with George and Rebecca for birthday dinner.

I never left home, as that seemed like it would be too much for me, but everything about this day made it special.

It is a summer night in August, but it’s my own personal Thanksgiving.

I am four days post-surgery, tired, sore, and just generally wiped-out.

I am thankful for all the activity that has gone on around me since my return home to keep the house running smooth, to see to my needs, to make my world comfortable and manageable.

George and Rebecca have been with me every step of the way. I am thankful that George was with me seconds after I hit the bathroom floor. I am thankful that Rebecca packed up her car and drove up from North Carolina as soon as she heard of my mishap. I am thankful that Garrett drove down from Buffalo Friday night to be by my bedside when they moved me down to the second floor, when I needed his sense of humor, then filled the house with good food since he knew that I wouldn’t be shopping. I am thankful that Morgan is a phone call away, has the most reassuring voice, and leaves me with the sense that all will be okay.

The dishes here are washed, the clothes are clean, the floors are swept, the pets are cared for, the house is in good order, my needs are met, I need only ask. I could list a thousand little things that have been done for me that have meant so much. I love my family. Life is good.

It wasn’t the week I had expected. Today I was going to be cleaning and getting things in order so that I could enjoy a few days with Rebecca and Garrett, and mentally preparing myself for a hysterectomy this coming Wednesday. I had everything worked out, and allowed myself just enough time. Then, Bam! Literally. My head met the bathroom floor at 1 a.m. this past Wednesday morning, and plans changed.
I hadn’t felt well upon going to bed Tuesday night, and my temp was 101. I remembered thinking that I was probably getting some bug, and I had to get rid of it before my surgery the following week, so I would sleep it off. George had suspected something was not right with me for a few days, so he got me to the emergency room, which was not an easy task, unsteady and light-headed as I was. The ER doctor ordered lab work, and an EKG and decided that I had had a “dizzy spell” and sent me home.

Fortunately, my doctor had requested lab work from me a week before surgery, so I called in, and said that she could check with the ER and see if the lab work done there would suffice. It didn’t take long before I got the call back, that she had read my lab results and was concerned with my overnight misadventure and elevated white count. Neither of us knew where that was coming from. She mentioned my appendix might be worth checking out. She was going to check into the operating room schedule and see if she could get me in earlier.

Thursday around noon, they were wheeling me to pre-op. I went in around one, and remember seeing the clock in the recovery room at 2:50. Dr. K came by at some point and mentioned an infection, and said it was good we hadn’t waited another week. Later I understood more fully that my fallopian tubes had become infected, and the infection had started to spread. I dozed off and on till they found me a room, in Pediatrics! It was after 6 p.m. before I had a bed, and George and Rebecca could be with me. It was actually quite a pleasant place, with a comfortable bed, and a view of the hills out the window right in front of me. There were two empty cribs in the room, and I took two photos with George’s cell phone, because I knew I would think back that I had been hallucinating. The nurses were the best, as pediatric nurses usually are. They saw me through a roller coaster of blood pressure readings and IV drips to push both fluids and antibiotics into my system. My blood pressure dropped incredibly low at one point, causing a stir, and a call to Dr. K, and talk of a possible transfusion. Fortunately, that didn’t become necessary, and my pressures came up to where they should be.

A bed became available on the regular unit Friday evening, so I said goodbye to the wonderful people who cared for me in pediatrics, and headed down to the second floor. It wasn’t the same after that. 2nd floor was noisy, I had a view of the sink and the bathroom, and I was just one of the crowd. I asked for help getting out of bed each time, because that fall to the floor was still fresh in my mind, but by the time the night shift came on, I was on my own. Hysterectomy patients are routinely discharged within 23 hours, so they were fitting me in to that mindset.

Saturday morning Dr. K was in, and gave me the okay to go home. I was very anxious to have the IV tubing and the leg compressors unhooked, to have uninterrupted sleep and a real meal. Surprisingly, pain was rarely an issue after the surgery. That had been well-managed, and I only asked twice for anything not already provided.

So this weekend, I am home, I am laying low, I am being cared for, and it wasn’t what I planned. Garrett and Rebecca bought the groceries so that we have wonderful foods in the house. Everyone, but me, is cooking and cleaning and keeping up with the household responsibilities.

It’s a beautiful summer day, and we will eat our dinner on the deck, I will watch the birds, catch up with the blogs, do some reading, put my feet up, and relax. I hurt just a little bit, but it’s almost time for those pain meds. It’s so good to be home.